Untitled

Waiting hours upon hours
Watching the days slowly go by
Searching for the sun that might not shine
Praying to God who might not answer me
Or just simply doesn't have the time.
Maybe I'm too far gone
Maybe I've wandered away to a place unknown.
I've realized that i've been searching for a specific thing for so long
That I've managed to lose myself in the process
Piece by piece I began to fade
A shamed to ask for help
Too weak to get on my knees and pray.
Afraid that mine will go unanswered
All I can do is hope that someone can squeeze me in to theirs.
Only able to imagine better days
As I sit alone with my tears and fears.
Wondering why my pleads never seem to reach God's ears.
Sulking in my weak flesh,
Not realizing my spirit stands strong.
When my soul sings a blue song
I know who to call on
But will my cry be silenced by my many sins,
Because i seem to fall short time and time again.
I hope He will look past every one of them.
After all,
He is a forgiving God.
And I believe it.
Take away the clouds of pain, grief, and abuse
So me and the golden rays of sunlight can be re-inteoduced.

Poetry

I want so badly
To jump on you
And hug you tight
That you hear the beat of my heart
But that will never happen
Because God called His child home.

Sometimes I think to myself
Why would He allow me to get close to you
Only to snatch you away from me?
My feelings don't matter I see,
So I'm carrying this burden with me unintentionally
But the pain is slowly killing me mentally, emotionally, and now physically
An its not that I hate God or nothing
Because I love him unconditionally
But I just want to know why...
Why'd He have to take you from me?

No one understands what I'm going through
They don't know what it feels like to live life without you
And even if I began to tell them,
They still wouldn't have a clue
As to why I walk around with my face so blue
And its only because tears take form in my soul
Due to the absence of you.
People say that nothing lasts forever
And this is true
Because memories slowly fade away too
Unlike your flesh
Which left me before i could catch my next breath

And honestly,
I can't sleep at night
Because all I can think about is you
And I can't eat
Because then i try to remember all of your favorite foods
Even when i sing a song,
My spirit always ends up singing a song that you use to sing along too.

And i know its been a long time
But no matter how hard i try
I just can't pluck you out of my mind
And I'm trying not to sound insane
But my emotions are something that i just can't seem to tame.

Losing you showed me that life is short
And forever ends sooner than you think.
At sixteen even mine
And i feel like i'm rapidly running out of time
So i attempted to count my blessings
But i stopped at 999
But i had to take back the one with your name on the dotted line
Because 10 years ago
You ended up dying
And i ended up crying
And i know that i could never forget you
But for some reason,
I  just keep trying
And i try to fake the feeling of happiness
Which is basically the same thing as lying.

They say all wounds heal over time
But it's been ten years
And the wound is still open wide
Maybe it will close..... Hopefully.
It doesn't bleed blood
It bleeds words
Which is why i just carved my emotions in between these lines
And simply titled it  poetry.